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Monday, January 31, 2011

She ain't easy.

My woman is just not easy.Nothing ,no way ,no how.
When you are 3ft 2in,ain't nothing fits.( she is just a hair taller than that).Pants to long .Shirt sleeves that are always to long.
Did you ever try and find a pair of size 5 shoe or boots?
Did you ever try and find a size 5 ring?
Why does she always bend over to tie her shoe or pick something when she is walking down a hallway with people behind her?
Why does she always have to go back to the house to get a pillow or to get the camera?
Why is it her phone is always dead or at the house?
Why can she remember crap I did 20yrs ago when I don't know what she is talking about?


This all leading back to the reason I am take my life in my own hands for posting this.
Remember my post about Austin?How we had to have her name changed on her birth certificate.Remember I talked about the $5 an hour millonaire?All we had to do was have a misspelled first name corrected.We got the new one today .Her name was corrected from Sandra to Sandra.
That's right, they changed it to the same dam'n name. Sondi is still Sandra.This after a trip to Austin so we would get it right.

Sondi is still Sandra and she still ain'easy.
Lord knows I love her.

Till next time------Poohpa

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Super Bowl Experience

Hell!!! Here I am in all of my glory.Ready to tell everyone where to go and what to do.I worked my first volunteer shift at the Experience for the Super Bowl.Lots of fun for kids of all ages.I worked the Pass,Punt, and Kick booth.
This is a display of all of the past Super Bowl rings.They were well guarded.
This is a picture of the sign over my event.I have four more nights to work,pray I keep my wits and don't kick some kids butt for being a little turd(just kidding they were all nice)
Till next time----------------Poohpa

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Austin

This maybe a long post,so please let me explain.
My wife's name is Sondra,not Sandra.Most of her life people have called her Sandra at lest once.
We have planned to take a cruise this spring.There fore we have to get passports.The main thing you need is a birth certificate.I went to get them from the court house.Mine was right,hers was wrong.You guessed it,Sandra was on hers.Back in 1492 when she was born,Sondra was not a common name.I know that who ever transcribed the record thought it was wrong and changed the spelling to Sandra.That ass wipe as caused me a lot of grief.
After a lot of calls to Austin,we decided to travel to Austin to take care of the problem.If we sent it by mail it could take up to 3 months to get it back.If we went to Austin we could have it back in 2 weeks.Then we would apply for her passport.This may take up to 2 months to get back.
To fix it we had to send to Nevada so her brother could sign and notarise a statement to that effect.This done,we flew to Austin to take care of business.
When we get there some $5 an hour millionaire tells us we need more proof.It just so happens I also took our marriage certificate.We just met another ass wipe.
Sondi pops out the ole stinkeye.I know what is going to happen.A few miss spoken words can cause a lot of headache.I was able to defuse the situation and every thing was taken care of.
Sandra is now Sondra for good.
When down in Austin we looked for a donut shop.For an hour,we hunted.We found everything but donuts.That's another thing wrong with this hippie loving ,long haired,bunch of ass wipe liberals.They must hate donut lovers.That's unamerican, if you ask me.

Till next time----------Poohpa

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Carl

Carl is my new cars salesman.Last week I bought my sweet heart a new Sorento.The car is very nice and looks good.Carl was very nice and very good as a car salesman.
The only problem is that his name is not Carl,but Dale is his real name.
I do not remember names very well.I see and talk to hundreds of people a day.I try and make them all think I know who they are are.Many people know me by name at the store,but I know very few of them by their names.The art of true bullshit fits me well.
Carl made a joke out of his new name.I don't think he cares as long as I bought a car.He even introduced himself to Sondi as Carl then as Dale.One cool dude,just what it takes to make a sale.
Til Next time--------------Poohpa and Carl

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Stink

I noticed one day I was stinking.Not just your regular smell.This was some major stink.Not just a small smell,it smelled like a dead cat.
Working in the meat dept.I have run across some bad smells(nothing is as bad as a bad chicken).
This made me think maybe dogs and cats were following me.
Was I having a bad chili reaction--no.
Did I have a bad case of swap ass--no.
Had I stepped in dog shit--no.
After showering twice a day---
It was the damn soap.A reaction to Irish Spring.
After a shower with this crap,within an hour I smelled like a dead fish dipped in cat crap.I later found out that my brother has the same problem with Irish Spring.
I have now a large supply of Dial.Old soap for a old man.
Now smelling good again.
Till next time---------------Poohpa