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Monday, April 26, 2010

Tupper hell

It's pissin me off again. I swear we must have 49 plastic containers to put food in and only one lid. We really have more lids but never one that fits.



Round bowl--only square lids

Square bowls--round lids

8inch bowl---3 inch lids

oval bowl--no damn lid



This pissin me off just thinking about this.



I know some butt hole is coming in and stealing them.This is the only solution. I know it's not me, for I'am not that stupid.



I have gotten to were I just dump them on the floor and try and find bowl that fits the lid.



By this time I'am cussing just like the meat cutter that I'am.Hell-shit-damn-sonsabitches.

I just can't help my self.Then I find a match and have to put the bastards back in the cabinet.



Please some one put a stick in my eye,put me out of my misery. My head hurts and my back hurts,because every thing is on the bottom damn shelf.After all I'am not 3ft tall,I'am just over 6ft.



It never fails if I put 10 in,6 fall out.I kick cuss and throw things. And yes, it does make me feel better.By this time the F word is lurking close by. Bastards ,this why I hate everything.



Lord please help me .Tupper hell is close by..Save me---Poohpa

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dumb questions from the meat market

  • What is the difference between a fresh and frozen turkey?--Dah
  • Where are the veggie burgers?---not in the mkt
  • Are there bones in boneless fish filets? (it says boneless not bone free)
  • Why does it smell fishy in the seafood dept.?--Dah---could it be the 20 ft of dead fish?
  • The best--The power is out in the store,emergency generators are on, lights only.This drunk comes in and cannot understand why I cannot grind him 20lb. of chili meat. He goes and complains to the store manager-The dumb ass manger actually calls back and wants to know why.Dumb shit.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Grand kids

  • It is a God given right to lie to your Grand kids
  • My wife once told my oldest sons daughter that we had once worked as trapeze artist in the circus.She later told her other grand mother and I got the blame.
  • The same grand daughter asked her father to pull her finger--buuuurp! She told him the other one was the tooter--that was Me this time.I was so proud.
  • I convinced one of the other grand daughters that she had worms from eating raw cookie dough.
  • I also told her that there were crawdads in the water when she was baptised.
  • I tell them if they swallow their gum they will blow bubbles out their butts.
  • I also tell them video games will rot their brains out.
  • Lord help me,but it sure is fun.
  • Till next time ---Poohpa

Monday, April 12, 2010

Mother-in-law

At first it was she did not like me,the son of the other woman.( see Redneck Family).We married in July '69,in Las Vegas.A few months later we moved back to Texas.By the next summer I had won her over with my wit and charm.(lord I hope I don't go to hell for lying)


She was a perfect lady and a great mother-in-law.But she was even a better grand mother.

Then she became Nannie.My kids thought she was perfect(and she was).She lived for her grand kids.In their younger years they spent most weekends with her .She played games and did puzzles with them.

After they married ,she would have them over every fall to make dressing for Thanksgiving and Christmas.It became a tradition for them.The last few years my oldest son would have all over to his house and Nannie coached them on how to make the dressing.To this day my kids still look forward to this,now my grandkids are learning. Great fun for all.

Nannie found my youngest son and his sister jumping on the bed one day,they were told not to do it antymore.Later she caught them jumping again(not good).She pulled their pants down and spanked them(the fear of God). To this day they would not jump on a bed and warn their kids about happend to them.

We took vacations together.She was always fun and ready to go anytime.

We all miss her and loved her.She loved her family more than anyone I have ever known.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Listerine

During the 70's My wife and I rode with the CYCLE Club of Ft. Worth.
One person we met was Boyd(biker-truck driver/dumb ass), who we found out he lived up the street from us.

Boyd came down with bad case of jock itch(a rash of the inner thighs and hangy-downy things afflicting males). He tried everything to fix the problem.Nothing worked.

Boyd finds a bottle of Listerine--on the bottle it states"kills germs by the millions".Boyd tries Listerine--boyd falls to floor crying and screaming.

Next day no jock itch.

Next weekend Boyd and his brother in law are watching the Cowboy game.Brother in law tells Boyd his has the worst case of jock itch he has ever had.Boyd tells him Listerine worked on him(leaving out the burning).


Half time brother in law goes to rest room.Boyd hears brother in law fall to floor.
Boyd hears something to the fact he is a low life son of a bitch and other bad things.

Boyd leaves did not see brother in law for a week. Itch was cured.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

A KID IN CHURCH

Back in the dark ages when I was a kid we used to go to a small church on the south side of Fort Worth.This was an old style southern baptist church. Fire and brimstone.
The preacher was short,fat and scary as hell to a young fat boy.
One Sunday,after Sunday school, he was preaching and telling everyone that we were going to hell if we don't change our ways.
I was sitting in the third row, with a young lady(about 6 yrs old). As all kids do we were playing,talking and not paying attention to the preacher.He stopped his sermon and looked straight at me. Then he said "as soon as Mr. Lowe gets through playing grab ass we will continue".
I damn near died, he scared me , but not near as much as my mom who as in the back pew.I did live, but have been scared for life.
Till next time---Poohpa

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Redneck Family

My wife is at the hospital waiting for sister to have her first baby.If you have a Big Chief tablet and a big pencil,I will try and explain my family to you.
My mom and dad divorced when I was a kid.
Mom married Jim. Jim is stepdad
Dad married Dean. Dean is step- mom.
I moved in with mom and step- dad.I now a step-brother--Randy
I meet Randy's sister a few year later--Sondra-not Sandra. She tells her next door neighbor that she is going to marry me.After one meeting(I did not know what was going on).We married after I got out of high school. It worked ,we have been married 40 yrs.
My step -dad is know my father-in-law.
My step- brother is now brother -in-law.
Sondi's mother's sister dies. She marries her brother-in-law(Paul) .-Sondi's uncle is now her step- dad.Her step- dad/uncle is now my father-in-law #2.
Before mom and dad divorced I had a brother (Russ) and sister ( Becki).
Dean has two girls (Debbie and Vickie).I now have two stepsisters.(dam'n I getting a head ache).Dad and Dean have girl(Tammy who now is having a baby). I now have a half sister.
Our kids still have hard time figuring out who is what.
They have 3 grand mothers-3 grand dads.
When we get together (40+ people ),my kids and us don't know who the hell we are related to.
A long with my sisters 642 ex husbands and my brothers ex wifes,it is a mess.
WARNING--YOU MAY NEED TO PRINT FOR LATER REFERENCE 1
I just carry Big Chief tablet and a big pencil.
I gotta go to bed--my head hurts--this took 6 hours to write.