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Saturday, May 29, 2010

Mower

I don't want to hear it--the damn mower just quit on me ,all I DID WAS HIT ONE STUMP

This just pisses me off--one small stump.I have mowed over this sonofabitch of five years.Did the damn thing grow? I just fixed the damn thing--17.50 down the drain.
I had to be at work at 4am this morning,then this happens.I am in morning for my old friend--not.
Then I had to spend more money at wally world.The new one works very well, but I still am going to bitch and moan for at least a month! BE WARNED -I am bitchy and cheap,a bad combination.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Life Lessons


  • Always wash your hands after making cinnamon toothpicks and before going to the bathroom.

  • Never jump off the roof with a towel as a parachute.

  • Never tuck your shirt into your under ware after drinking 4 large cups of coffee.

  • Don't piss off the neighbors dog by spitting in his face.

  • Don't change the toilet paper after using Deep Heat.

  • Always use a safety jack when working under your car.

  • Always get your wife flowers when she is in the hospital, even when she says not to.

  • Always make sure you have at least a quarter tank of gas when on a trip.

  • Don't tell your boss he is an ass hole and a drunk.

  • The most important thing a man can learn is to say "Yes Dear" and "What ever you say Dear"

  • Know this--you are always wrong ,even when you are right,when your wife is concerned.

  • Never think you know more about the right color than her.

  • Never shoot your son in law, in the back, with a soft plastic pellet gun. Your grand daughter will go to school and tell the teacher that Poohpa shot her Dad in the back.( I shot myself and it did not hurt much,but he whined like a little girl.) I now hide my soft pellet gun from him.

  • Never touch the coil wire on your car while it is still running.( this will make you piss in your pants).

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Out House

When I was a kid, my Uncle A.J. lived with us. He was a drunk, but a happy drunk.He spent as much time in jail as he did with us.

My Dad was a manger of a local marina at this time . I spent many of my younger days at the lake.

The marina had no restrooms (1960's).As a kid Me, my brother, and A.J. were assigned the duty of digging the holes for the new out houses. The deed was done in just a few days.As you all know what goes in an out house(it aint pretty and does not smell well). Over the years it began to fill.
On occasion a small animal would fall in and we would shoot it to put it out of it's misery.One day a man came in and said someone had dropped a dog in the out house. We went and checked and large like a collie was swimming in the waste.
A.J. said that we could try and rope and pull it out. We found a rope and A.J. stood over the hole and roped the dog. As he was pulling the dog out my Dad backed out of the house and blocked the door with a board! We all know what a dog does when he is wet.(shake-shake-shake).You would hear A.J. cuss my Dad and beat on the door for 10 minutes,before my Dad let him out.
A.J. ran straight for the lake cussing my Dad all the way.
This was great fun for everyone except A.J.
Like is good unless you are trapped in a room with a shitty dog----Poohpa

Friday, May 14, 2010

Fish Story

Going to the Ranger game with my son remined me of a story I told him years ago.
We had gone fishing with my father in law when my son was about 8 or 9 years old. We had not had any luck and we were on our way back home.
He ask me if I ever had pet when I was his age.I told him I had caught a catfish and took him home with me. I told him that I kept him in a rain barrel and would feed him every day.After a while he come to the surface and greet me. Soon I got to were I could pet him and play with him,he was amazed that fish would let me play with him.Soon I would take him out of the water.After that I said he lived under the front porch out of the water and I played with him every day. I even named him Marvel. Then I said nothing else.
About 5 minutes later he ask "What ever happen to Marvel?"
I told that it had come a big rain and Marvel drowned.
The poor boy had been had and he knew it . He laughed so hard he had an asthma attack.
I love messing with kids. Lord help me I am bad.--Poohpa

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Ranger Game

I went with my oldest son and his two girls to see the Texas Rangers win today.
I did not care if they won or lost. The only reason I went was just to be with the girls.If they win thats all right,but ice cream sundies in a ranger cup is way more important to me. My goal in life is to make them think Iam crazy and that I will buy them crap to eat.Life is good and we had a great day----Poohpa

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mothers Day 2010

Amie and Sarah
Group discussion

Peyton and Hailey


Hill roll



Nene and Abbie



Peyton






Kasey





Andrew and his Dad







For Mothers Day our kids took us on a picnic to the park.We had a great time and it was cool and damp. The kids fed the ducks and played hard. Great day and lots of fun.

Friday, May 7, 2010

I Hate Everything

Anyone that knows me knows that I love to bitch.Some people bitch a little I,myself, can take it to a new level..No-no an art form( not a fart form,that is an other story).This is because as they can tell you,I hate everything.
Yesterday it was hot,but I went out and started mowing my yard.Just as I got through with the largest part of my front yard,My damn mower quit.Shit--this really pissed me off.Here I am half mowed and cannot get the sonofabitch to start.
I had to go next door to biker/EMT dude next door and borrowed is damn mower.I got the job done ,but this gave something to bitch about.
There is only one thing I worse than yard work is Christmas lights.
Now do I fix a 6 year old $ 130 mower or buy a new one.(just remember I am a real cheap bastard) Let me know what you think.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Old Joke

I was remined today of an old joke I used to tell.Maybe some of my new friends will enjoy this,to my old ones get over it.

A man sitting in a restaurant eating dinner.He notices all the servers have spoons in their shirt pocket.He cannot stand it and calls his waiter to the table.

Man--I see you all have spoons in your pocket,what gives?

Waiter--We have taken surveys over the years and people tend to drop spoons more than anything else.So we all carry spoons just to save time.

Man--That makes since,thank you.

A few moments later he notices that all the male servers have strings hanging from their pants fly. Again he calls the same waiter over .

Man--Ok what is with the strings hanging from your fly?

Waiter--The same survey says people worry about us touching our pecker when we go to the bathroom.So we just pull it out with the string.

Man--Don't you still have to touch it when you put it back in your pants?

Waiter--No I just use my spoon.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Arizona

  • I'am sorry that the Mexicans are pissed that we are trying to enforce the laws of our country. The whinny little bastards want everything given to them for nothing.
  • We do not care if they come to our country,but there is a process that all people must follow.We need roofers and gardeners.
  • I know I sound like a real ass,but all this crap about Arizona just makes me mad.
  • If we entered Mexico Illegally what would happen to us? Do you think they would change their culture just for us--not
  • Would they give us free medical care--not
  • Do think they would print everything in English--not
  • I want them to do the right thing,enter OUR country legally.
  • The people of Farmers Branch Tx. have tried to make it possible to enforce the law of the land.They have come under much controversy for asking if a person is here legally. More power to them!!
  • I'am damn tired of them bitch'n all the time--Till next time --Poohpa

Sunday, May 2, 2010

BUCKET LIST

  • Marry the woman of my dreams--done
  • Have a great family with 3 great kids--done
  • Have family full of grand kids--done
  • Visit the Grand Canyon--done
  • See the Great Salt Lake--done
  • Own our on home--done
  • Become a Shriner to help kids that cannot help themselves--done
  • Become debt free before I retire
  • Travel to NYC--done
  • Drive the west coast from Seattle to L.A.
  • Drive the east coast from Key West to Maine
  • Cruise and train to Alaska
  • Visit the county Shropshire in England
  • See a Worlds Fair--done
  • Travel to the beaches of Normany to give thanks to all of the HERO'S that are buried there
  • Own a big ass black Suburban
  • Be able to drive my big ass Suburban to all my grand kids weddings