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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Life Lessons


  • Always wash your hands after making cinnamon toothpicks and before going to the bathroom.

  • Never jump off the roof with a towel as a parachute.

  • Never tuck your shirt into your under ware after drinking 4 large cups of coffee.

  • Don't piss off the neighbors dog by spitting in his face.

  • Don't change the toilet paper after using Deep Heat.

  • Always use a safety jack when working under your car.

  • Always get your wife flowers when she is in the hospital, even when she says not to.

  • Always make sure you have at least a quarter tank of gas when on a trip.

  • Don't tell your boss he is an ass hole and a drunk.

  • The most important thing a man can learn is to say "Yes Dear" and "What ever you say Dear"

  • Know this--you are always wrong ,even when you are right,when your wife is concerned.

  • Never think you know more about the right color than her.

  • Never shoot your son in law, in the back, with a soft plastic pellet gun. Your grand daughter will go to school and tell the teacher that Poohpa shot her Dad in the back.( I shot myself and it did not hurt much,but he whined like a little girl.) I now hide my soft pellet gun from him.

  • Never touch the coil wire on your car while it is still running.( this will make you piss in your pants).

3 comments:

  1. I can barely see what I'm typing with all the tears in my eyes from laughing. There seems to be a theme here...bathrooms....chemicals and spices, or stimulants of some kind, cars....and knowing that your wife is right at all times. Looks like a pretty legit list of life lessons to me Tee. You kill me.... ~Joy

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  2. Ethel from GrapevineMay 27, 2010 at 11:48 AM

    Experience really is the best teacher, isn't it? I can SO see you doing some of those things! If laughter really is the best medicine, then I got a good dose today. Oh, before I forget, add "I'm sorry Dear" to the list of the most important things men need to learn. The bad news is that the list will never be complete!

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  3. how about, never drive cross country in the sam car as your mother in law, father in law, and a small child.

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