Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Life Lessons

  • Always wash your hands after making cinnamon toothpicks and before going to the bathroom.

  • Never jump off the roof with a towel as a parachute.

  • Never tuck your shirt into your under ware after drinking 4 large cups of coffee.

  • Don't piss off the neighbors dog by spitting in his face.

  • Don't change the toilet paper after using Deep Heat.

  • Always use a safety jack when working under your car.

  • Always get your wife flowers when she is in the hospital, even when she says not to.

  • Always make sure you have at least a quarter tank of gas when on a trip.

  • Don't tell your boss he is an ass hole and a drunk.

  • The most important thing a man can learn is to say "Yes Dear" and "What ever you say Dear"

  • Know this--you are always wrong ,even when you are right,when your wife is concerned.

  • Never think you know more about the right color than her.

  • Never shoot your son in law, in the back, with a soft plastic pellet gun. Your grand daughter will go to school and tell the teacher that Poohpa shot her Dad in the back.( I shot myself and it did not hurt much,but he whined like a little girl.) I now hide my soft pellet gun from him.

  • Never touch the coil wire on your car while it is still running.( this will make you piss in your pants).


  1. I can barely see what I'm typing with all the tears in my eyes from laughing. There seems to be a theme here...bathrooms....chemicals and spices, or stimulants of some kind, cars....and knowing that your wife is right at all times. Looks like a pretty legit list of life lessons to me Tee. You kill me.... ~Joy

  2. Ethel from GrapevineMay 27, 2010 at 11:48 AM

    Experience really is the best teacher, isn't it? I can SO see you doing some of those things! If laughter really is the best medicine, then I got a good dose today. Oh, before I forget, add "I'm sorry Dear" to the list of the most important things men need to learn. The bad news is that the list will never be complete!

  3. how about, never drive cross country in the sam car as your mother in law, father in law, and a small child.